It seems like yesterday since I last saw him. That’s how well I remember him. He dominates my thoughts. It’s rare if a minute goes by that I’m not thinking of him. I can distract myself sometimes, but it never lasts. I miss Randy…
Today it came to me. It’s been almost a year (next month) that Randy has been gone. And I have to admit, I’m very much aware of it. The time since I last saw him has not healed the wound or scarred over the loss. He’s always on my mind. Then the realization comes in…
I’m officially an old man.
Maybe not so much in years (I’m only 46), but I feel old. I feel weary. Like my life has changed so significantly, that I’m on borrowed time. I feel it physically (I don’t lift weights or exercise anymore) and my body is feeling it. I feel absolutely horrible most days. I don’t move like I used to, and I drink WAYYYYY more than I ever did. I don’t know how much longer I can go on, or if I even want to. Randy took my “youth” with him. I could watch Disney movies with him, make fun of things with him….you name it and we could do it. Now, there’s nothing. It feels like my life as I knew it completely ended….and my body has reacted. It’s a shame. I died with him…
To try and end this on a better note, Halloween is coming up. And while Jen will probably post about his Halloween adventures, I wanted to remember him as one of his favorite characters: the Hulk. Randy was a big Hulk fan and I think the picture I included in this post demonstrates that perfectly. I’ve even tried to get my car in the Hulk colors (purple and green) as much as I could, just because I know he’d enjoy that. Not seeing what he would have been this Halloween will rip my heart out….
For the love of Randy... 